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Thursday, May 8, 2008

Taj mahal

December 15
Travel JOURNAL
Latest to the list of places I have visited is TAJ Mahal.Went with family, so it was a touch different, unlike our unorganized back-pack, it was more streamlined with all the hotel and train booking done in advance.
I Booked hotel Taj Plaza, pretty decent hotel 500 odd meters from the TAJ and with promotional offer from makemytrip.com it was a steal. Boarded Bhopal shatabdi up early in the morning at 6:15. Train was bang on time and we reached the land of Taj at 11:00.
Whenever i travel with mom, i have to draw line between being myself (spendthrift, no negotiation) to moms idea of responsibilty (hard core negotiations).
so instead of booking the hotel transfers in advance we decided to board a three wheeler from station to the hotel.Hotel was nice. nothing fancy, but served the purpose of comfortable stay and close vicinity to the only place we wanted to visit.
Like no trip is complete without a bit of hiccups and chaos, this one was no different. we had only 01 day to see Taj as our reurn was booked for next day.
as we went to see the taj in the evening around 4ish, we were told that there are some forign dignatories who have come 2 to visit taj and so it will be closed for civilians like us.
We tooka sigh of releif when the news came that the dignatories have been quick enough in their appreciation of the taj and decided to vacate the place by 5.
but our releif was short lived as because of anticipation and the fact that taj closes at 7:30, there were huge and i mean really huge, 1000 meter long queues to get the tickets.
Living in India has its own benifits, and one of em is the JUGAAT factor. if you find urself in any trouble, when the going gets tough, when all the doors are closed and u think u have no where to hide, close ur eyes and say this mantra, 'jugaat'. and be4 u know u will be surrounded by angels sent by god. (Touts as they are called).
as it turned out, i shelled out 02 hunded Rs note and we were taken from one short muslim gali 2 another and a secret gate to enter TAJ.
Although there was some chaos and queues there as well but we were allowed in, No questions asked, no harm done. and all i could say was India rocks,
We spent close to 02 hours sitting, viewing and clicking TAJ from every nook and corner possible.
All in al it was good trip, a nice change for mom.

Why I like MY Girlfriend.

February 13
Why I like MY Girlfriend.

While looking around, I get this feeling that somehow my growth has stopped. I think the child in me is still alive and kicking. This feeling that I have, has been there since time immemorial. As I read in Geeta, you cannot appreciate good without the presence of evil.
Unless you have a benchmark of RAVAN, you cannot cherish the goodness of a RAM.

If we have everyone as perfect and good around us, that person or thing will not stand out, there will be no differentiation, there will be no perception and hence that person or thing will not be important at all. In fact the word ‘perfect’ or ‘good’ means there is something not so perfect and good as well.


Same can be said about strong self perceptions as well. If I feel that child in me is alive and kicking, it spells down to the fact that there are people around me whose child is not alive, leave alone kicking, it is not even dragging. To be honest it is not their fault, everyone as a child is born innocent, and then the society takes over. I mean I am yet to see a small infant full of deceit and meanness. You see a refreshing non judgmental air of innocence when you see a baby.

And importance of that innocence can be felt when I see deception and sham everywhere, in everyone. In my office I see group culture, unhealthy competition, back biting, bootlicking and tampered statements, in my cab I see meanness, strange uncanny bitchiness. In my family I see manipulations, uptightness and rigidness. Examples are endless, if start putting them down, I will lose track.

Now
Contrast this with a way of the child. And u see a sea change. Coming to the title of this conversation, I adore my girl for still having the core childlike innocence intact. She looks lost in this world; it is like the world in general has not been able to dent her psyche. At times she is so vulnerable and you feel like protecting her.

While for a child it is easy to be innocent, as he/she doesn’t know any other way. For an adult with all the upbringing and society learning, dos and don’ts, it’s a darn difficult.

I love my girlfriend because I feel the breath of fresh air every time I meet her. That is because she is totally unpretentious, inconspicuous, unassuming dame.

I get along well with her because I feel we share the same core values. Just like me she does not have any pre-conceived notions, is totally non-religious, non-political and non everything.

I saw a documentary, “The SECRET” which talked about the ‘Power of Attraction’. It says cosmos work overtime to fulfill your wishes and desires. What you think is what you get. And I have started believing in the power of attraction as I always wanted a dame like her, I pictured that in my mind and now I have her in my arms.

I Sincerely THANK my cosmos for doing that for me, looking forward to a meaningful and fruitful relationship.

Has This Ever happened 2 U

February 08

HAS This ever Happened to you.


It’s a strange feeling, more or less on the same lines to what kunal was saying. I am there and yet not there.
I am aware of what is happening around me; however I feel I am not part of it.

It seems as if I am looking at myself as a third person. Sounds really creepy but it’s a supreme feeling, much above the normal mundane way of existence. It’s like being non-serious on anything.

And although it sounds strange, however on the contrary I am at peace whenever I am in that state. It actually comes across as Indifference as told to me by my friends.

But deep down I know its not that, I don’t even want to explain it to them as a) I am not answerable to anyone and b) as with truth you cannot narrate it, as soon as you utter it, it looses its value, its sheen.

I guess this has something to do with my little stints with meditations, every now and then, while working, in the cab on my way home, in the park while looking at the grass or the stars, I almost automatically go into this unknown.

Where mind stops and I forget myself and everything around it. And those gud 10 odd minutes spent are like the acheivement of the whole day. The most well spent time of the day.

And then as if somebody has taken the umbrella from my head, its all gone, it just vanishes and I am back. As if gravity has pulled me and I am again in middle of same old competetive thoughts. Where I am Vs where I should have been analyses. Whats wrong with the world synopsis. Job suck life sucks conclusions

Speed of Life

December 24
Speed of Life
Life is always one step ahead of u. Its almost imposible to catch it, it is like a dog trying to catch his own tail.
Its like playing chess with vishwanathan anand, u keep on planning ur little moves, thinking u have everything in control or atleast a hope that everything will be in control and little do u know that he has planned the whole game in advance.
irrespective of your small meaningless moves, the destiny is inevitable.and the funny thing is when the eventual will happen, u will still get a feeling that u were so close to acheiving the impossible, and only if this could have happened or this should'nt have.
It seems that life is about reacting to situations. again taking the chess example, when u play with a better player, all your time is spent in defending the attacks. u don't have a purpose, all you are doing is just reacting to what the master is throwing at you.
I have been getting these thoughts off late. Its been 09 months that my dad departed and since then i feel i m just reacting to things thrown at me suddenly. After close to 05 years in bpo/kpo industry, an year ago I was working with world's second biggest Real estate company at a very commanding position with a commanding salary with a chance of going and probably settling in us of a. I still remember writing somewhere my dream of settling in GOA.
Less than an year later everythin has changed on its head. i m working with American express at an executive level at a salary which is 60% of my last drawn and incentives are like 40.
It seems everything i do now has a direct correlation. my job, my shift, timelines for coming home, and a sense of strange responsibility in everythin i do.not that i m complaining or running away from situation, however i reckon while doing all this I feel like playing against a better player.Life should be more than just reacting to whats thrown at you.
Now the answer, I meditated on this and realized that if you compete with a bigger player, u will always b frustrated. If i look around, i see minority of people who are happy with their situation are the ones who do no compete with the situation they are in, they do not compare their present with past or aspire about future. Now that does not mean that they run away from their responsibilty, its just that they do their job without being attached to it. They are just there at that momment. STILL in the state of bliss.
Easier said than done. at the expense of sounding repetetive, i must say it all boils down to letting go off the mind
mind is the root cause of all evils and blissfullness is equal to mindlessness.job of the mind is to think, it can never be at peace, infact peace of mind is a vague statement, it can only be peace of no mind.
the reason i was gettin these thoughts of being reacting to situation and not having control is because i am comparing my past with my current state of affairs.
FOR me to reach a stage where mind does not bother. to reach a stage where I m in the momment every momment without my past experience and future aspirations is like meeting GOD, being GOD, feel godliness.

FUCK

May 30
FUCK
Fuck
I was having a quite lunch at "Flavours of China" with my girl friend the other day when I over heard (actually I didn’t she was speaking at full pitch typical call center wanna be types) a young ugly looking girl using the word ‘fuck’ indiscriminately in every way possible.
Made me wonder, The word FUCK is the most beautiful word the language has ever produced. English language should be proud of this. It is a magical word Just by one sound you can describe emotions ranging from pain, pleasure, love and hate.
In language it falls into many grammatical categories, It can be a Verb both transitive," Roger Fucked Anna". And intransitive, "Anna was fucked by Roger". And as a Noun, " Anna is a fine Fuck". And as an adjective, " Anna is fucking beautiful". No word in the history of language can afford to be this flexible and versatile.
Besides the obvious sexual meaning, it has following uses.
Fraud: I got Fucked at a lottery scam.
Ignorance: Fucked If I Know
Trouble: I guess I am fucked now
Aggression: Fuck You.
Displeasure: What the fuck is going on.
Difficulty: I can’t understand this fucking job.
Incompetence: That guy is just a fuck off.
Suspicion: What the fuck are you up to.
Enjoyment. I had a fucking time.
Request: Get the fuck out of here.
Hostility: I’ll kick your fucking ass off.
Greeting: How the fuck are you.
Apathy/Indifference: Who gives a fuck.
Innovation: We need a bigger fucking hammer.
Surprise: What the Fuck.
Anxiety: 2dy is really fucked.
Trust me this is not a comprehensive list, I mite have missed a lot of emotions this one word can convey.
This is Manish signing/fucking off till next time

Urge to Help Others

May 20
Urge to help Others
Last Saturday I realized that Urge to help others (Even without any vested interest) can be catastrophic to a relationship.
I learnt that the hard way, now my already emaciated group of friends is tinted into a triangle where 2 angles can never meet.
But the exciting/learning part of the whole incident is not its geometry but its origin.
I thought (with all good intentions) to take a self help audio cassette to ma friend’s place Mr. B and decided instead of wasting time and laundering around, we would do something constructive and probably after listening to inspiring words make a life chart to have a path and focus in life.
What I didn’t do however is to keep in mind that this cassette is, as the name suggests " SELF Help" and has best results only if done on individual basis and not as a collective society improvement plan.
So as it turned out I, and Mr. C went on our (selfless) journey to correct the Miserable life of Mr. B.
Initially Mr. B liked it, we sat down with him writing his life plan, what all he needs to improve his otherwise miserable, and pathetic lifestyle.
30 minutes into the life changing exercise (pun intended), Mr. B started getting the feeling that he has been singled out and call it our lack of diplomacy and tact or our strong belief that In friendship we have to be honest and straightforward, on a couple of occasions we convinced him (or tried to) that our life is better than him and he is the one who needs help. And by the way we are doing it selflessly with no vested interest and all this is in his benefit.
The sane readers must already be laughing at us and would have predicted the outcome of our otherwise Good intentions Helping a friend plan
Being singled out and convinced that he needs help and all this while he had been living a loser’s life, Mr. B as predicted got defensive.
And in tune with my precedent about people with defensive frame of mind, he became illogical and vague and crazy. He tried to take solace in spirituality and whatever shield he could from the onslaught of our selfless Urge to help him.
Even then we didn’t learn the gravity of the situation, and I in particular went on to accuse him of having split and twin personality. The Urge to help our friend (selflessly by the way) reached such dizzy heights that he finally said, who the fuck started this topic, you guys have wasted my weekend.
Now I personally know exactly what has happened.
Self improvement comes from within. No body has a right to change your way of living
I read somewhere "Stay away from people who want to help you selflessly. Problem is with them, not you.
Ideology is individual. We are never in a position to comment or look down upon on a person’s life style, What’s ideal for us may b looked down at by someone else.
There is an art to criticizing, if you don’t know the art, you don’t practice it. Playing with fire and not knowing the tricks of the trade will burn your hands.
Criticizing works only if you talk about your mistakes first, make sure you are not singling out a person and most importantly let the other person save face.
No matter how close ur friendship is, you cannot cross the line in shield of being honest and straightforward.
Trying to rectify the situation, I had a long discussion with Mr. C about the above mentioned points to which he said," Mr. B is a closed person, I was trying to help him for his own good and he just closed himself and instead accused me for ruining his weekend".
To test the waters and see if the Problem is with Mr. B or the medicine I decided to give the low potency doze to Mr. C and I asked him how come you don’t have a steady or meaningful relationship at the age of 26, is there something wrong, are you doing something about it, how do you plan to improve your love life.
No prize for guessing, Mr. C got defensive and said, I am happy the way I am, I won’t chase anything, There is no need Its Ok and almost insisted on changing the topic

And to have a double check I asked myself the same question, what if somebody tries to help me (selflessly by the way), well the answer is hats off to Mr. B for at least participating for good 30 minutes, I will shoo the person away as if it’s a dirt fly.
So my conclusion is that this bitter drug of Urge to help others (Criticizing) works the same way irrespective of person concerned. It’s a sure shot way of inflating/hurting the receiver’s ego and blasting the relationship in the process

Caste-ism in the corporate world.

Last Sunday, I had a chance to listen to a presentation given by Mr. Rajeev Aggarwal, CEO India of CVENT. Apart from other things that he said, one thing that really got my attention was his observation that in India, sub-consciously there still prevails mass scale caste system and a set level of hierarchy even in the corporate structure.
At first glance I thought he must be talking about Rural India, and probably staying in US for so long has given him this myopic view. (trust me it happens to the best of people, I have a friend who after 2 years in states now addresses us by , ‘U Indians’ )
I dwelled into this a little deep and realized that Rajeev isn’t myopic and in fact has hit the nail on his head.
Caste system does not necessarily mean brahmins, shatriyas and all, sure urban India has graduated from that rut. But a deeper look unravels a different story, we have just changed the names. From brahmins shatriyas now we have (in my industry) agents, Sr. Agents, Team leaders, Assistant managers, managers, and list goes on.
I relate to this with my own example. I was happily working in Hyper Quality as Quality Consultant. For the first time in my life after 3 years of experience, I had a feeling that I am doing, what I always wanted to do. I use to look forward to going to the office and work use to stimulate and challenge me.
And then I don’t know what happened. A strange urge to grow came in and I started comparing myself with my fellows.
This Sub conscious urge is the result of society and what Rajeev said makes sense because in India you are not judged by the kind and quality of work you are doing but by the seniority you have achieved.
Job description takes a back seat, how many people report to you is more critical. Avoiding the job satisfaction is the sure way of screwing your life, and I learnt that lesson the hard way. I got promoted as a Team Lead, my whole job-description changed. From the actual doer, I became a person who had to get it done. And with the passage of time I realized that is so not my forte
And being in this industry for last 5 years, I can safely say, that is everybody’s story. Everybody wants to get promoted, as a result people are getting promoted before they should. Emphasis is on Promotion and not on quality of work. Even Pay packages are driven by seniority and hierarchy and not by actual productivity. In society, you are judged on such bogus parameters, no parents would like to hand over his daughter to an agent (even if he is single point of contact taking care of mergers) but they will readily agree to tie her knot with a Sr. Manager (who probably doesn’t even know that only first form of verb has to be used with did and didn’t).
My next concern was, is this an Indian mentality or its natural human tendency to have this craving for fast growth, people reporting. And my personal experience tells me that Rajeev is absolutely correct.
There is dignity of labor in west. My client side SPOC , Ms Elizabeth Decoursey was 35 year old lady, taking calls for Inbound customer service division of Disney direct just like any other agent. Does that make her small in any way, NO in fact she has the domain expertise which is unmatched and she is indispensable asset to the company. When I was in Japan, I had a shocking discovery. A hair stylist or a painter earns more or less the same salary as a doctor. The emphasis is on quality of work and not on seniority. A good Gardner is thousand times better than a bad engineer. In India (and all my BPO friends would agree) we make jack of all trade jerks without any domain expertise and emphasis is on promotion and not on quality of work one does.

I m Pro Dowry

December 14
I m Pro dowry.
A week ago, my girl friend asked me Manish what are your views on dowry. As I realized (while formatting the answer in my mind) like a lot of things in life, I didn’t had any views on it. Being a very lazy person, I do not conclude on anything unless it hits me and is within my area of influence. Since I gave her a (TAT) turn around time of 24 hours, I started scratching my mind what are my actual views on Dowry.

We read in newspapers and see it in news channels everyday. Flashing stories of dowry victims. Girls burnt alive by filthy money hogging in-laws. The ever so obvious conclusion that any sane person would derive out of this is that Dowry is a curse of our society.

The question I want to touch base today is that are we very good at drawing the conclusions on the basis of immediate evidence.

I want to challenge that common wisdom and really want to get into the crux of the matter.

Why would our seers and saints promote such a wrath.

The noble reason why dowry (Dahej Pratha as it is called) came into existence was primarily to acknowledge the fact that a girl is starting a new chapter in her life, She would be staying in a new house, with a new family starting from a scratch and building her nest all over again. To do that successfully she would need monetary support system and dowry was a way of providing that.

To be honest, even in the contemporary scheme of things, that is a wonderful concept. In nuclear families if two people have decided to tie a knot and live together in holy matrimony, they would require initial capital to start off the things (a house, gadgets, utensils blah blah….)

Why do we assume that this would be a guys prerogative, if marriage is about companionship and living together, its about equal partnership in gains as well as the expenditure.

Add to that In India, I have noticed majority of girls do not claim any share in their fathers property. Which according to me is an open declaration by father that I do not treat my sons and daughters equally.

And hence, probably a few centuries ago, this process took shape, where a lump sum amount of girls share of property (dowry) was given to the girl indirectly telling her that now you do not have any claim in the paternal property and we have given you your share.

Now lets come to the main problem at hand, How come such a simple and beautiful system of money transfer became the curse of society.

If you ask me, I would say the problem is not dowry but women empowerment and education. The money they are given by their fathers is not in their possession. Before marriage their share is enjoyed by their father and brothers, after marriage their life doesn't change, just the owners do.

Its because of lack of education that they are not empowered and are not aware of their rights. And even if they are aware of their rights, they don’t have the courage or the exposure to claim their own life.

In conclusion I would say I am Pro Dowry. There is nothing wrong in the concept. In fact I will go on to say it’s a beautiful concept to ensure equality among sexes. It is a way of giving a girl child equal share in her fathers property.

The problem is in the implementation. And isn't that true for whole of our Constitution. Rules are their but if people are not educated and empowered, They cannot use them and would remain victim of their own ignorance.

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Spirtual Learning curve

April 08

I happened to visit Chhatarpur mandir (A holy temple in New Delhi) the other day.A person like me in a religious place is a shocker in itself, i was just accompanying a
Religious friend who was hard bent to visit it.
During our short stint there, I saw millions of devotees standing in long never ending queues
to get a glimpse of their god's shrines and idols.
Being true to my nature, I started a rather controversial discussion with my friends inquiring
the importance or the need to hurt oneself in long queues. I asked them 15 days ago this
place was as empty as a hollow tree, with no body in vicinity of 2kms to be seen, why didn’t
people visit their respective gods then, and now since its navratara time there are 3 hours
long queue to get a glimpse.
We also talked about people going to vaishnodevi on foot and at times body crawling all the
way from Delhi. Is it that more you hurt your body, the closer you are to your god?
My religious friend in defense said, there is a time and place to do everything, he said you
go to a bathroom when nature calls and you don't pee anywhere else but a bathroom similarly
you go to a religious place to worship (and not worship anywhere else) and you go on
Specified dates when it makes the best impact.
Although I didn't say anything there (to avoid any rift and tension) but it got me thinking
about the narrow and standardized thinking people have regarding religion.
Now I m no Spiritual guru by any stretch of imagination however my life learning say that
Spirituality is a journey not a destination. Its a way of life, how you conduct yourself in
Day-to-day activities. He said there is a place and time for everything, now something like
Spirituality is not a thing its like life line of human cycle, it won't be an exaggeration if
I say its like oxygen to human beings. Now you don't go to any place (oxygen chamber) at any
Specific time to fill the tank to last the whole day, you inhale it all the time, similarly
Spirituality is a spontaneous expression; you feel it all the time. Just to quote Osho here
he said, meditation is nothing but finding perfection in your daily work. Once you are
Totally engrossed in your work and when you try to better yourself with every next activity
you will realize that you are improving by the day and that you have attained spirituality.
Spiritual Learning curve of different people is different and is based on a lot of external
factors like surroundings, education, books they have read, family values etc and at
Chhatarpur the other day I realized that the majority of our Hindus are at the infancy stage
of it. and after 1000 s of years of religious history that is a sorry state of affairs.
You are all welcome to add your thoughts and comments.

Slave to Circumstances

I was reading a book, 'Life lessons of Swami Vevekananda' and this book has left a lasting impression on my mind.
A sort of a paradigm shift realizing that all this while I have been busy in wrong pursuits and was going round and round in a vicious circle.
Not that I have awakened or am in a spiritual bliss however there is definitely a beginning.
I have started realizing how futile life is. It is actually a journey from no where to nowhere. If that is the case and if every one has to die one day, then whats the rush all about. Why this rat race of accumulating more and more, why this defined ranks of discrimination and inequality when deep down inside all of us know that this is just a temporary halt and all are going to end the same way.
On paper I am a very liberal person who believes in equality, but when I ask this question to myself expecting an honest answer, I realize that consciously or unconsciously I have created imaginary walls around myself. I judge people on the basis of their position, their personality, their looks and their financial status in small degrees.

We have created a false sense all around us, a layer of ego that has made us slave. We are in continuous need to feed that ego. If somebody compliments me, I feel good I begin to smile, and when I hear rude and mean words I feel bad and pissed off.
Now the argument is almost all the people I know (except for some highly learned seers) would say its human to act according to situations, according to circumstances.
However that is not true, animals react to situations and circumstances, humans have inner voice, inner wisdom to guide them to proact and not react.
If you are reacting to a given situation in pre determined mode then you are a slave to that situation.
When your reaction is directly proportionate to inflation of your ego, then you are slave to your ego.
Examples are all around us, I see people who are slave to society (they would dress only what their peers approve, go to places where people want them to etc)
then there are slaves to patriotism, to country, to name and to fame. Man is in midst of extreme slavery and the real man has become buried within. through this bondage.

In that Book Swami Vivekananda gave a beautiful example and urged the youth to be free, break the shackles and think.
This example made a lot of sense to me and has changed the way I take life now, hope this makes sense to you
He says,
"BE Free, and then have any number of personalities you like. Then we will play like the actor who comes upon the stage and plays the part of a beggar. Contrast him with the actual beggar walking on the streets.
The scene is, perhaps, the same in both cases, the words are, perhaps, the same, BUT yet what difference!!
The one enjoys his beggary while the other is suffering misery from it. And What makes this difference?. The one is free and the other is bound. The actor knows his beggary is not true, but that he has assumed it for play, while the real beggar thinks that it is his too familiar state and that he has to bear it whether he wills it or not.
This is the LAW
So long as we have no knowledge of our real nature, we are beggars, jostled about by every force in nature; and made slaves of by everything in nature; we cry all over the world for help, but help never comes to us; we cry to imaginary beings and yet it never comes. But still we hope help will come, and thus in weeping, wailing and hoping, one life is passed and the same play goes on and on".


And hence be free. Instead of wasting time in crying over your circumstances and worshipping imaginary gods for a better role, accept the role as a temporary halt and find your true calling, the true reason why you came here.